Walking past a local papershop the other day in one of the head lines it said that Bin Laden was about to become the new star of a 2003 remake of Joseph and the amazing technicoloured dreamcoat, Yes as bizarre as this may sound this article caught my attention I went an had a closer look only to realise that not only is this lucky bastard gonna be making £500 a night but he gets to work along side the sex goddess Denise Van Outen.

Well after I finished reading this article I noticed a story about myself and some hot American singer named Ms. Spears I proceeded to pages 15-16 and read the full story and was highly suprised by the things that I read.

I was outraged by the bullshit that these people at The Sun had wrote about us, (although at the time I wish they was true due) to these writters at The Sun myself and Britney Sprears had been having a Steamy Romantic affair behind the back of her longterm relastionship with Justin Timberlake all to help promote a new and up-coming website named you've guessed it phoenixlords.com.

After much reading and amazement I felt that I needed to speak with my so called lover and correct the bullshit that the writters had said about us.

Britney who was in the country at the time with Justin who was promoting his album Justified had also read this article from the papers and had also been trying to contact myself.

The MeetingThat day I recieved a phone call from a member of Britney's management and aranged a meeting for myself and Ms. Spears. That evening we met up at 8:15pm in a selected bar (Chosen by Britney of course) to talk about this strange article and make sure none of this was true, (for legal reasons) as weird as this may sound, but as the night went on we started to on very well and began having a good time. The hours that night just few by as we knocked a few drinks back and laughed about how rediculas this bogus story was.

We continued to knock back more alcohol and get a bit loud Britney started to get a bit touchy feely and kept looking at me with her glazed drunken eyes. I'll not lie and tell you that she's not good looking, She's certainly is stunning even when she's just polished off 12 glasses of Taboo. Later on into the night around 10:45pm Britney desided to buy a bottle of expensive champagne, we sipped away at the Champagne Britney began to tell me that after reading The Sun's article about are steamy affair Justin went through the roof and desided to go on a 36hour drinking session.

Meanwhile in LondonMeanwhile in Liecester Square Justin Timberlake was continuing with his drinking section with his friends, while pissed up Justin had made a visit to a burger bar and got into a bit of a drunken banter with another customer one member of staff at this burger bar said.

"Justin was so drunk he was shouting, swearing and being offensive I couldn't bare with it, it was just like being back in hear say again."

Back to us, As the princess of pop proceeded to tell me about Justin's antic's she said that "She was like totally over him!"

At this point I began to feel sorry for her and decided to sit next to Britney and comfort her as a shoulder to cry on etc, I was really hoping it may lead to more this was a one off chance who wouldn't? As I went over a sat down next to her she went straight in for a kiss. This really took me by suprise the only time im even near celebritys they either punch my in the nuts, blast me in the face with some pepper spray or slap me with a restraining order. I thought I was defernatley on a winner here, After about an hour making out and groping I decided to ask Ms. Spears if she'd like to come back my 3 bedroomed, Semi-Detached council house, which she replied "Sure it sounds posh"

As you can imagine one thing lead to another and we ended up turning our "un realistic Steamy Romp" into a reality and for somebody who claimed to have stayed a vigin for so long really knows what to do in the sack, after we made with the love, I cooked Britney a lovely meal made up of a packet of Super Noodles and a half eaten can of tuna. Pukka

The following morning after giving Britney another quick in-out I took a strole to my local paper shop to see what rubbish the papers had wrote and heres what I saw on the front page of The Daily Mail. Are Secret was out, I was stitched up like a fool, hook line and sinker. The Daily Mail had a reporter in this bar all the time who recorded everything that had happened and was said that evening.

Now that Justin had finally sobered up he was mighty pissed off and swore vengance on me for spoiling his on-off relastionship with Britney Spears but luckily I haven't seen him yet but I'd probably kick his ass anyway. I would also like to take this oppertunity to appologise to Britney if any harm become of our fling and would also like to say it was in no way intended for the publicity of this website. On a good point I did get a Lord of the Rings Poster.