If your like me and live in England then your most probably sick to fucking death of all the crap weather we've had this year, and the previous 10 before this. I think the weather in this country sucks even more than AOL's 56k connection speed, This dull weather we've been having gave me the idea for this article because as a child I grew up thinking that it was gonna snow on Christmas day, It would be red hot and sunny for all my summer holidays. All the leaves would fall off during Autumn/Fall and in spring it would be blooming with flowers and slightly warm, warm enough for me to go out wearing a T-shirt, I'd have to say what a load of shit I've never seen anything so dull, crappy, wet and miserable in my life, Well apart from the odd episode of Eastenders.
In other countries and in my ideal world this is what the year usually looks like. You lucky set of bastards it winds me up just looking at these pictures im stuck here in the cold, dull, rain while your enjoying the full use of your seasons.
As for you people who dont know what or where England is I've made up a little picture (as shown above) to help you get a grip of where it is and I'll give you a small briefing, Its that tiny little Country floating about in the Cold North sea, yeah that place where Austin Powers lives and where they use phrases like "jolly good show old chap" and "By Jove I think you've got it", If you've never been to this dump of a country we live in or ever seen it on television then this is what are yearly weather schedule looks like.
Thats it all year, every year
Never ending rain + constant cold = Morbid English people
in other countries they think us English are misserable and morbid any clues why? I personally blame the weather. We tried to record this is a true fact and The Phoenix Incorporative went undercover with our mobile paper stand. Firstly on are journey we jetted to America's one and only big apple, Yeah you've guess it New York City with are unreconized faces and our paper stall we managed to record our first customer and here's what she said:
PhoenixLords: Good day to you Madam, Would you like to purchase one of my Fantastic papers on such a lovely morning like this?
Customer: Of course I would be most pleasured to purchase one of your finest Information Spreadsheets on such a fine day as this
Sounded quite polite to us so we needed to prove this further and flew back home to our marvelous country. So back undercover we went and we took are paper stand just outside of Canary Wharf tube staion and here's what he said
PhoenixLords: Alrite mate
Customer: You gonna sell me this fucking paper or not?
Theres the proof, I say dont blame the person for not being happy I say blame the weather for causing unhappiness because I know for sure that the weather gets me down half the time hence why I made a Website about Bitching and Flaming everything I don't like.
Putting England on the Map Well I think its time we made some changes around here and finally got England on the map so before I wrote this article I did a little research and found out that to latest
Most Popular Places to Visit List we are currently Rated at terrible number 1679 just topped by Afghanistan and followed closely by Iraq, Brooklyn and Dawsons Creek.
We may have crap weather all year round and be a country full of unhappy, depressed people but this country does have a few good things to offer theres not many but heres a few for to help change your views.
1) You only have to be 18 to purchase Alcohol.
2) We have the highest Teen Pregnancy rate in Europe.
3) You can leave school at the age of 15/16 wheather you pass any exams or not.
4) We have the slowest moving big wheel in the world.
5) Endless amounts of Theme Parks.
6) We have a 60 million pound tent full of pointless tripe known as the Millenium Dome.
Now if you don't wanna visit The Amazing Land of St. George after all our amazing fact then its your loss.
