Wheather your a fan of the worlds biggest cunt know as Michael Jackson or not you still may wanna give are official guide a read because not only will you have your own robotic, baby dangling, plastic faced twat to beat the shit out of whenever you get pissed off, you'll also have your very own personal slave to clean, cook, wash, dance or even molester your children. Anyway fuck the induction lets get straight on with it.

Step 1 : The Legs
The key section to start on your JackoBot is the legs, we all know Michael Jackson is famous for his dance moves, (aswell as touching kids in there pants) and dancing is all in the legs and hips, so the legs are very important to creating your cyborg. Now lets face it we all know fags are good dancer's its in theres blood along with the other female hormones like the high pitch voice and addiction to clothes shopping, thats why we've chosen the legs of none other than the gayest robot ever made C3-PO. C3-PO makes the ideal lower half for your machine because not only his he a good dancer, he's the 6th member of the YMCA and 2nd most hated StarWars charactor of all time, only topped by Ja-Ja Binks.

Step 2 : The Organs
Its a common known fact that if you intead to create a cyborg weather its for general house keeping or world domination its going to need not only the brain of a human, but its also gonna need organs to because even a half-man, half-machine needs to take a shit. We couldn't think of an amusing charactor to select the organs from so any organs inparticular will do, preferably a non-smoker the last thing your cyborg needs is lung cancer. If you raid the bins at your local hospital or medical research center you'll probably find all the bits you'll need. A good strong addesive or duct tape should hold all your second hand organs in position perfectly.

Step 3 : The Torso
Your creation is going to need a good sturdy uper-body so that when he's taking out the trash or laying a carpet he doesn't pull his back out and become useless. We've chosen the torso of Robocop not only because its bullet proof its also the shittest cyborg ever made. This Torso isn't taken from the same one as Robocop 1 & 2 because they was pretty good films during the day's when they was made, this one is taken from the crappy PG version of Robocop the movie film they get away with playing at 6 o'clock on Sundays where he doesn't ever actually kill anyone, he's just shoots objects that drop on the villians head and knock them out or shoots the lights out and them punches them. Now with the torso your JackoBot is getting closer to completion.

Step 4 : The Arms
Every good cyborg needs a realiable pair of arms so that when your machine is complete you can send it out into he garden to dig up your borders while you sit in a deckchair drinking a nice cold beer. To create such an exellent digging machine you'll need the arms of number Johnny 5, we've all seen how quick that mechanical, festering, steaming piece of monkey shit digs through the dirt for his friend Oscar in the smash hit movie Short Circuit, its this sort of digging technique your half-man, half-machine will need, although your Johnny 5 arms only have 3 fingers he can flick through a book in about five seconds, which will come in handy when he's scanning through that Jamie Oliver cook book ready to create you and the missus a fantastic meal.

Step 5 : The Brain
As explained earlier your cyborg will not only need the organs of a human being, he'll also need the brain of a human, we've all seen Robocop and know how it woks its a piece of piss. This ones the difficult part, getting your hands on a human brain is not only quite hard its also pretty squirmish. Michael Jacksons original brain is way to small to use, plus if you added that to your machine it would probably spend all day thinking he's Peter Pan and have sleep overs with 12 year olds, so any other brain should work better. If you manage to get your greasy mitts on the brain of a experianced dotor or brain surgen your cyborg will not only have an IQ higher a staff member of the GAP but it will also be able to perform the surgury himself, because lets face it if you've read this far of my bullshit your an idiot. If you find a human brain to difficult to get your hands on a radio-active, advanced, super performance chip will do.

Step 6 : The Head
A Robotic head is going to break your fist whenever you get pissed off and punch it in the face its a well known fact, so if you want to remove the head of the person you hate most in the world. If you can't deside here's a few examples: George Bush, Michael Jackson, David Bechkam, Kelly Osbourne, Justin Timberlake. In our article and pictures we've chosen Michael Jackson, but the choice is your's. Once you've removed the head of your arch-enemy simply just scoop out there old brains with a table spoon and insert your advanced brain, give it a bit of a shake around and attach to your cyborg its now complete and all your hard work should have now payed off.

Right then people I hope your cyborg brings you all the happiness you require and gives you plenty more time to actually do the things you want to do in life like get drunk, get stoned and get laid, than having to clean the car, mow the lawn, visit the inlaw's.

Warning
Following are instrustion and creating a super machine are not intented to be serious if your do actually deside to proceed with are guide and create a homemade cyborg and it becomes mentally unstable and gains a thrust for blood lust and kills your entire family the staff here at Phoenixlords.com will not be held resonsible.