Another thing thats come to my attention recently is the amount of pointless crap mobile phone companies are attaching to there products, I can see that the likes of Vodaphone, Orange and O2 are battling to create a worlds most expensive super phone with every entire add-on you can think of, there also trying to make it so small you could probably loose it in your ear. Dont get me wrong im a big kid when it comes to gadgits its just about time these people got there heads together and desided to create a peoples phone for people with a better lifestyle than taking poor quality photo's and playing snake. I could think of a hell of alot better things to build into a phone other than the likes of a shitty digital camera that so low budget you cant tell what in gods name the picture is, a collection of ring tones that are so loud and annoying you simply wanna flush your phone down the toilet and Voice activated dialing and memo's lets face it who the fucks ever left themself a memo on there phone. Right i've took the time out of my busy life to create the ultimate mobile phone accessories list so you better fucking build it, lets get on with the show.

Bottle Opener
Also known as the German army knife or the alcholics tool kit this is a very important item to my lifestyle and many others, seems as all the brewerys in the UK are too fucking dumb to create a twist top beer to make my life easier with accessory i'd never have to spend time routing around the cutlery draw, i'd always have a bottle opener with me.

TV Remote
Another simple yet affective invension is the TV remote if the wife watching some random D.I.Y make over show and won't give you the remote simply pick you your phone and change the channel. Alternativly if you to lazy to get up to even pick up the original TV remote you'll always have an extra.

Taser
This one's simply for my pure pleasure of almost killing fucking dumb ass, rockport wearing, thug wannabe's who cant handle there drink that live in my town. Instead of avoiding fight's every 15 minutes I could simply shock them with 10,000 volts of electricity till there lying in a pool of there of piss and vomit.

Tetris
Possibly the greatest game ever made and a hell of alot much more fun than snake, I'm trying to keep my ultimate phone small and simple and it doesn't get much more simple than Tetris, its not like we're going to get a full online version of counter-strike build into a phone. Oh yeah, it has to come with the original tetris soundtrack.

Longer Battery Life
One thing that really get me pissed off about my current mobile phone the amount of times a week I have to re-charge it, the battery life is shocking it last about 2 hours if I don't make any phone call, fucking piece of shit. It would also need a better battery to keep my Taser fully charged ready to shock the village chav's.

Lighter
Here we have a offective object used by millions of people around the globe, a lighter can be used for either to light a cigerette, ignite a fire or just randomley burn things a source of fire is always a key item to have on the person, especially when that person is a pyromaniac.

MP3 Player
Instead of a massive collection of really fucking loud, gay and annoying ringtone's why not have a built in MP3 Player so the user (me) can either upload my very own ringtone's and music which could not only make my phone more unique, you wouldn't get 15 people all at the same time reaching to answer there phone.

I don't ask for alot in life just the odd suggestion and making my mobile phone more compatable with my lifestyle is just one of them along with the exicution of the Beckhams, if your reading this I recommend that you take a look at your current mobile phone and jot down the amount of pointless crap your phone actually has, also try to create your very own personalized mobile add-on's list. If anybody out there in seriously intrested in getting rid of all that pointless pathetic crap like voice activated dialing and self memo's and creating my supreme cellphone then get started. Until next time peace out and keep whinging.