As the war continues fate seems to fade and fade away, but little did you know the PhoenixLords staff have the real story of whats really happening inside Iraq and surely going to boost the confidence of the nation. Due to many fuck ups by the trigger happy Americans, shit helicopter pilots and psychotic traitoring madmen with grenades we can inform you that the government have decided not to pull out the forces and they are still indeed planning to proceed with there elite tactic's against Iraq.
At its progressive rate that we've seen in the last few days the troops should be moving into the city of Baghdad anytime shortly, How do we know this? I here you ask. Well we've managed to get our filthy, robbing hands on what can only be described as one of the most graffic detailed plans and where-abouts of all are fellow British and American troops ever to be seen.
This Hi-Tech information was taken from a recent meeting at the Pentagon present at this meeting was some of the most professional men ever to be mensioned in the name of war, Who's names we can't mension for legal reasons, also featured at this gathering was President of the United States George Bush and the UK's Prime Minister Tony Blaire and it seem that these two great leaders of ours were the once responsible for these fantastic opperations.
Due to this plan designed by our superior leaders we have managed to work out that US Marines have taken over the Shire and still moving south towards Baghdad. Also a British and American alliance are approaching from the south passed South Gondor, avoiding being spotted from either Mount Doom or Baradoor, The Dark Tower.
Tony Blaire in a press interview also had this to say "An extra support group of Amercan and British soilders are moving in from the West past Rohan via the White Montains for a surround attack on Baghdad".
There you have it folks official plans of Iraq as brought to you by www.phoenixlords.com stay tuned in for are next exclusive War on Mordor Oh I mean Iraq update.
Send in the Clowns
Another meeting took place today this time it wasn't in the pentagon but it took place in Northern Ireland. As you most probably are thinking this wasn't just a social gathering for George Bush and Tony Blaire to get extremely drunk on Guiness and dance arround wearing oversized stupid hats shaped like a jesters this was infact another offical War meeting.
At PhoenixLords.com we have a world exclusive, yet again. We found out the real reason about this meeting and it was all about sending in more back up for are hero's in the Far East. All the soilders that are now making the final approach into Baghdad, well all the ones that the America's haven't killed are about to storm the Iraq capital city but need an alliance boost to build up numbers nothing strange about that at all but its not any of are usual back up either and its also not the Boy scouts for grown men, or as they like to be called the TA.
Here's the wild part, to save money for US and UK Tax payers the British Army are now going to start recruiting Clowns and Ex-Clowns for new soilders, I kid you not, As showed below we have the first even to be seen picture of there first sucessful project on the left is how they were before, this however is the exact same group of people on the right after doing a 2 week crash course of intense obsticle courses, running with heavy bags, shooting vast amounts of ammo at pictures of nasty people with dodgy beards and eatting genetic strength inhancers.
Before After Before this special training took place this bunch of Entertainers where riding round on unicycles, throwing pies at each other, pulling great amounts of crap out of there pockets and piling into small cars now just think how handy this previous training would help the British army, how impressive would it be if we could get 1000's of these new troops into the battle fields and transport them only use 15 mini coopers think of the TAX cut, also if they could pull weapons , ammo and food supplies out of those deep pockets of theres and now wait for this if they could throw a knife or grenade like a custard pie we would have a new breed super marines the UK would be unstoppable. We sent are expert interviewer The Instigator to have an exclusive conversation with Lieutenant Pongo at the Northern Ireland College of Deadly Clowns.
The Interview
Instigator: Good Evening Lieutenant
Lieutenant Pongo: Hello
Instigator: Please tell me what type of training have you been through?
Lieutenant Pongo: Well last Saturday I drank 4 litres of white cider, 10 double JD's and 6 pints a Hoffmiester
Instigator: No! as in weapons and vehicle training you halfwit
Lieutenant Pongo: Well I can score a head shot from 800m with a M4A1 Colt Carbine and kill a man in one punch so avoid calling me halfwit, I also tried driving a Tank but my extremely big shoes get in the way of the peddles.
Instigator: Dont you miss your red nose and bright green hair like in your old entertaining days? Wait a sec what do you wear in battle? Big shoes?
Lieutenant Pongo: I still have my red nose and green hair but I only use them for weekends hah (honks nose), in battle we wear uniform like everyone else
Instigator: Huh Weekends you mean as some sort of sex thing which weirdo would want to have sex with a clown? I also noticed that you do have a red nose still but I thought it was from your drinking problem and the shoes are extremely large surely there not real
Lieutenant Pongo: Yeah a sex thing women just love clowns and yes these are my real feet and I do like a drink, wait a minute youre taking this piss out of me now arent you
Instigator: Haha this guys nuts Im out of here
Lieutenant Pongo: (Looks at Soundman) Can we do this interview again when Im sober?
All those custards pies to the head seem to have damaged there brains are we totally sure we can trust these Clowns and Ex-Clowns for back up.
Until next time all's fair in Love'n'War Peace out.
